You deserve a break today.
Unlike everyone else writing his and her last-minute "this is it" posts today, I am going to make a point of not talking about the election on Election Day. No disrespect meant to y'all who are bloggin' it, I'm gonna read them anyway and I'm sure they'll be eloquent and lovely.
But today I'm going to shut my mouth, go into the voting booth, do my business and leave in a hope that others will follow my example. All my local races are totally sealed anyway -- Spitzer and Hillary are locks, and I'm going to abstain from selecting a comptroller rather than vote for the Republican to spite the scumbag embezzler Alan Hevesi -- and from here on out, let it be simply known that I'm hoping my guys win so we can begin talking about policy Wednesday afternoon once our victory hangovers have subsided. I have got electoral politicking fatigue out the ass.
So for those who'll be all feverish today we thought we might offer you all a respite from the madness with what we believe is a highly amusing and intellectually challenging survey. I'm all over the place with the subject matter so please exercise your creator-given right to not answer a question if you don't know what the hell we're talking about.
Do us a favor and send this around to anyone you think has earned it. If you'd like, send your answers to Brendan or Craig (contact information on the sidebar) and we'll put the cleverest and most heartwarming answers next to our own. Our answers will then proceed to assault and devour yours. No refunds or returns.
And now...
Good work, all of you who've spent the last couple years blogging and campaigning. Go Blue!
But today I'm going to shut my mouth, go into the voting booth, do my business and leave in a hope that others will follow my example. All my local races are totally sealed anyway -- Spitzer and Hillary are locks, and I'm going to abstain from selecting a comptroller rather than vote for the Republican to spite the scumbag embezzler Alan Hevesi -- and from here on out, let it be simply known that I'm hoping my guys win so we can begin talking about policy Wednesday afternoon once our victory hangovers have subsided. I have got electoral politicking fatigue out the ass.
So for those who'll be all feverish today we thought we might offer you all a respite from the madness with what we believe is a highly amusing and intellectually challenging survey. I'm all over the place with the subject matter so please exercise your creator-given right to not answer a question if you don't know what the hell we're talking about.
Do us a favor and send this around to anyone you think has earned it. If you'd like, send your answers to Brendan or Craig (contact information on the sidebar) and we'll put the cleverest and most heartwarming answers next to our own. Our answers will then proceed to assault and devour yours. No refunds or returns.
And now...
The First Annual Whippersnapp Take Your Mind Off Election Day Survey!
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
When did you start beating your wife?
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
How boring was this year's World Series?
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Are we hot, or not, or what?
Good work, all of you who've spent the last couple years blogging and campaigning. Go Blue!
posted by Brendan at 12:00 AM
12 Comments:
Your survey is HIFRIGGINLARIOUS. OMG. HIFRIGGINLARIOUS. I will update my post and send the readers over here. OMG.
It is done.
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
My faves are all appointed.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
1984 and Bill Clinton.
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
Gut-totin', drug-shootin' libertarian.
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Definitely Herr Nietzsche. Better chance of Dionysus-worship, Wagner-dissing, and vaguely misogynistic free-associated aphorisms.
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
A-Rod.
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
Two words: Dachau chic.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Italian; Hippie.
When did you start beating your wife?
Ugh.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
I've only heard repressed finance executives pine for his work.
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
F: AH
M: NP
ToaC: HC
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
F: GV
M: HZ
ToaC: NC
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Turkmenistan.
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Sonic burgers. On rollerskates.
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
Pass.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
I watch the Super Bowl exclusively to justify my buffalo wing habit.
How boring was this year's World Series?
So boring.
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Brendan Rogak.
Are we hot, or not, or what?
Men of vigor.
This is a great distraction! My answers below:
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Feingold, Kucinich & Conyers. The late Paul Wellstone, a true progressive.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
1968. Clinton.
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
I'm a progressive liberal who votes democrat most of the time. I've NEVER voted for a republican.
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Freud
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
I'm guessing these are pro-sports guys...in which case i wouldn't waste the hammer - lol!
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
Nah - she's a liberal plant out to reveal how crazy the neocons are. Oh, and she's a man.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Mexican - fav. Least fav - Indian. too spicy.
When did you start beating your wife?
no wife. it's not legal for two women to marry.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
not really!!
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
Again, not legal to marry. but if I had to choose:
F - AH
M - NP
ToaC - HC
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
Um, none are particularly attractive.
F - GV
M - HZ
ToaC w/ a parachute - NC
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Uzbekistan
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Slime surfing
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
South Park
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
Nope. I watched a little soccer though.
How boring was this year's World Series?
There was a world series?
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Nancy Boyda
Are we hot, or not, or what?
HOT HOT HOT!!!
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Russ Feingold.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
1974. Clinton.
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
Crap-eating Democrat.
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Marx.
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
Tough one. Thomas.
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
Too real.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Favorite--Italian.
Least Favorite--Thai.
When did you start beating your wife?
She beats me bro.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
Nope.
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
I'll jump.
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
I like them, not like that though.
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Eww. Toughie. I'll go with Turkmenistan.
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Write speeches for the President.
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
Simpsons.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
Yes, yes, no, no.
How boring was this year's World Series?
Didn't watch.
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Katherine Harris.
Are we hot, or not, or what?
You're pretty hot. I can tell, though I'm mad hetero.
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Bill Richardson (D), gov of New Mexico. Especially when he wears that turquoise bolo tie.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
1952. Clinton, of course, and his glorious cock. Which of course has been responsible for all the evils of the world. :-)
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
Smokin' (Chong would be so proud), YELLOW-DOG Democrat. Hard-core.
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Freud, of course. After the cocaine appetizer, we would begin, wait gotta clean, oh lookie here - a butterfly. What???
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
In my best Drew Bledsoe (The Statue) voice, "TO, goddamn it. But only if I don't have to move."
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
No, but her Adam's apple is.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Fave - Texas (T-bone). Least fave - Indian (curry gaggeth me).
When did you start beating your wife?
Goddamn it, Marge, shut the hell up.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
I don't think even Ed Harris did.
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
Yes.
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
See above.
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Got to go Googling for that one.
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Imitating Oxycontin Rush grunting and rooting his lard-ass on top of Mistress Kagan. Oh wait, you said non-life-threatening? "Elizabeth, it's the big one. I'm coming home."
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
CNN.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
I only watch the Super Bowl if the Dallas Cowboys are playing. So, obviously, I haven't watched in a long-ass time.
How boring was this year's World Series?
zzzzzzz
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
ANY Democratic candidate. Oh please.
Are we hot, or not, or what?
You rock my world, baby. Rock on, Wayne. Rock on, Garth.
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Russ Feingold is my homeboy.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
1983. Clinton.
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
I am in fact a registered Democrat, however, I consider myself a libertarian.
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Freud, because somehow I get the feeling that Nietzsche and Marx would be total downers.
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
Being a disgruntled Yankee fan I can only go with A-Rod.
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
I think she's an alien intelligence from the Horsehead nebula sent to replace the brains of conservatives with Folgers Crystals to see if anyone tastes the difference.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Italian / Japanese.
When did you start beating your wife?
Just a couple of days ago and let me tell ya, it's working out great.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
Absolutely not.
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
F Arianna, M Nancy, T Hillary (this is apparently the correct answer).
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
Let's all just climb into bed and go to sleep.
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
SA tells me the name of my country is actually Jesusistan. So I guess I'd go there.
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Maybe watch his colonoscopy from Super Size Me.
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
South Park. It's so sad.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
The Super Bowl and the World Series.
How boring was this year's World Series?
Woulda been way more interesting had the Tigers won, what with the Gambler's funny brown substances and such.
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
I really really like Gary Trauner (WY-AL) and Larry Grant (ID-01)
Are we hot, or not, or what?
Practically flaming.
Yay, here's mine:
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Russ Feingold.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
1980; President Clinton
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
Neither! Independent, beyotchez
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Geez...Freud, I guess. I think.
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
Isaiah Thomas, but only because I don't hate the fine, fine specimen A-Rod enough to beat him with a claw hammer and right now I'm fairly amused with T.O.
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
Obviously. All that bank she makes is just as real as you or me.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Favorite - Japanese; Least Favorite - is "Redneck" considered an "ethnic cuisine?" I'm seriously asking here, because there are Serious Rednecks who eat Serious SQUIRREL DUMPLINGS.
When did you start beating your wife?
Why do you hate America?
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
Haven't taken the time to try....
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
F: Huffington
M: Pelosi
ToaC: Clinton
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
F: Chomsky
M: Vidal
ToaC: Zinn
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Kazahkstan! High five!
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Work as an anchor for Fox News
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
The Simpsons, I think.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
Yes, yes, no and no.
How boring was this year's World Series?
COMPLETELY - I stopped paying attention well before October came around
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Barbara Ann Radnofsky (US Senate candidate for TX), because she is 5'9" looks good in Purple, so she says.
Are we hot, or not, or what?
Smokin'
I reflected personally on why I'm voting this year, without offering any GOTV platitudes.
Tomorrow marks the start of a new phase-opening up the system for third-party and independent candidates.
LOL! OK, I'll give it a try.
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Senator Russ Feingold
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
1958. Bill Clinton.
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
Democrat.
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Freud. It would save me a fortune in theopy bills.
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
I don't follow sports, but I know enough to answer Terrell Owens.
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
For the anwer to this question read Interview With A Vampire
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Favorite: Meat and pototoes. Least favorite: Anything I can't pronounce.
When did you start beating your wife?
Actually, he could beat the hell out of me.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
No.But I tell people I do.
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
I'm gay. I don't have a clue.
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
You have got to be kidding.
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Homostan. It's a small country just south of Key West.
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Watch lesbian porn.
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
Family Guy. South Park still rocks.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
No.
How boring was this year's World Series?
What's a "World Series?"
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Me.
Are we hot, or not, or what?
Hotter then hell.
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
Jon Corzine.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
Being that I was born in 1984, I believe my answer HAS to be Clinton.
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
Democrat, though I'm hoping they soon grow that second testicle.
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Freud, man. I've had some weird-ass dreams this last week.
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
I'd KO TO.
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
Of course not.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Sushi; bad sushi.
When did you start beating your wife?
Shortly before I stopped.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
Splatters on a canvas. What's not to get?
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
Is this Brendan? Whoever it is, I love you.
Huffington, Pelosi, and Clinton.
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
I'll keep that order.
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Kazakhstan. Duh.
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Isn't being Morgan Spurlock gross and gimmicky enough?
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
I don't know if Family Guy ever had an ascent, but considering that Krusty used the phrase "shoebox full of blow" last weekend, let's go with that.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
Yes, Somewhat, no, and no.
How boring was this year's World Series?
Yes.
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Mr. Smith
Are we hot, or not, or what?
Smoking.
Name an elected official currently in office whom you admire.
I'm sure the specter of Sen. Charles Sumner floats around the halls of Congress somewhere. He was an asshole, but he beat a dude with a metal tipped cane, which is awesome.
Give the year of your birth and name your favorite President in your lifetime.
'82. (see, if i leave off the 19 part, maybe I can cheat and say Lincoln)
Are you a Democrat or one of those miserable, crap-eating Republicans?
I yearn for the day when political labels are "so yesteryear"
Of Nietzsche, Marx and Freud, who would you most want to dine with?
Sorry Samantha, but i hear Nietzsche had a crap ass stomach/digestion system (not conducive to a decent dinner partner). And Freud was clearly a pain in the fucking ass. Marx by default.
Of Alex Rodriguez, Isaiah Thomas and Terrell Owens, who would you most want to beat with a claw hammer?
Thomas. I don't find TO that bad and being seen with A-Rod in any context is an embarassment.
Is Ann Coulter for real? I mean, seriously.
Fo' shizzle, fo' sho.
Name your favorite and least favorite ethnic/national cuisine.
Fav: Italian. had to be. never would have survived the first 18 years of my life otherwise.
Least: Jewish (let the declarations of anti-semetism begin)
When did you start beating your wife?
She hit me first. And harder. And I liked it.
Do you get Jackson Pollack?
Who?
Fuck, marry, or throw off a cliff: Hillary Clinton, Arianna Huffington, Nancy Pelosi?
F: AF (sexy accents do it)
M: HC (i bet she could get me into all the best clubs)
ToAC: SPEAKER Pelosi
F M or ToaC: Gore Vidal, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn?
F: HZ
M: HZ
ToAC: The other two
Zinn is so badass, he lets me cheat.
Country whose name ends in "-stan" you're least frightened to visit?
Japanastan
You're Morgan Spurlock for a day and your mission is to come up with something to do morning, noon and night for 30 days that's gross and really gimmicky but probably non-life-threatening. Go.
Full minute zip line ride over a field of children with blindfolds and bats told there were awesome pinatas about. Even if you make it to the end, it'll be fun to watch the footage of the children thwacking each other.
Of The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park, which once-great cartoon sitcom is in a more embarrassing state of decline?
I think Brendan is projecting his own life onto this question.
Did you watch the Super Bowl, the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, and/or the World Series this year?
Stanley Cup (what i could... no TV) and Super Bowl (mmm beer and fried foods)
How boring was this year's World Series?
If having the WS in St. Louis meant airing those MJ Fox commericals and getting that stem cell measure passed, it was worth it. Oh wait, weren't supposed to be talking shop here....
Who's your sleeper pick for Congress this year?
Sleeper: Conrad Burns
Darkhorse: Harold Ford
Are we hot, or not, or what?
If i owned a mirror, I'd totally be checking myself out.
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